The exploitation party: It’s better to ignore party crashing fame-grubbers

By writing this column, I’m crashing a party. An exploitation party.
They weren’t invited, but guess who else showed up? You guessed it, Tareq and hopeful Real Housewife Michaele Salahi, great friends of the Obamas (they shook his holy hand!) and the national media, especially Today show host Matt Lauer, whose show is on NBC, which is owned by NBC Universal, which also owns Bravo, home of the Real Housewives series.
One big happy family!
At the exploitation party, Michaele was very upset to have the Bravo camera crews following her around filming her for the reality show. She kept disappearing into the bathroom to keep herself fresh-looking, staying away from the cameras for minutes at a time!
I finally got them to sit down with me for a few minutes (I slipped them $40).
Me: So, do you feel sleazy?
Them: We feel (big dramatic breath) devastated.
Me: Will you do anything to be famous?
Them: We were invited.
Me: Did you intentionally seek this exposure for your reality TV show?
Them: This whole ordeal has been unbearable.
Me: Why did you refuse to testify in front of Congress? Did you have something to hide? We all know you weren’t invited. There are emails that say as much.
Them: It’s been unbearable. No one can understand our pain. We are devastated.
Me: These sound curiously like scripted platitudes. Are you liars and scam artists?
Them: No.
Me: Are you lying about being liars?
Them: Yes. I mean no. I mean yes.
Me: So, do you feel lying on television doesn’t matter anymore? That it just gets lost in the blast of media? That fact and opinion have become so blurred that lying in public doesn’t really matter anymore?
Them: Would you like to contribute to our charity or invest in our winery?
Me: No.
Them: Are you a producer of a television show or the owner of national sports franchise?
Me: Um, no.
Them: Then this interview is over.
Michaele was so upset she retreated to the bathroom to tease her hair. Tareq launched himself over to the bar and got Matt Lauer to buy him a glass of merlot.
The Salahis prove it’s not so much what you actually are, but the image you can present of yourself and the story you can spin. Because they looked the look and talked the talk, they bypassed what should be the most secure area in the nation.
This much is clear: they were not invited despite their claims. America ’s always been a land of schemers and dreamers, but, hopefully, we will not abide liars.
But the public can see through them, I hope, even if they’re too deluded to see what they are for themselves: fame-grubbing hogs who, I predict, shall receive their come-uppance. Only by exploiting themselves could they achieve the exposure and promise of wealth they want. In the meantime, they exploited our whole system for their cheap little dreams of fame and riches.
Because, you see, the exploitation party is a savage circle. The Salahis feed off the legitimately wealthy and powerful, the media feeds off the story, and the Salahis get the cherry on top from all the publicity.
About the only thing positive that will come out of this fiasco is that the Secret Service realized the chink in their armor. People say: what if it was a terrorist? An assassin?
It brings up a good question of the public’s relationship with the government. Early in the 19th Century, a citizen could walk into the White House and demand an audience of the President. Remember, we were trying to get away from that whole kingly monarchy thing.
Well, a few fellas (John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald) sort of messed it up for all of us. Now, the gulf between the common man and his government has grown enormously (try even getting your Congressman on the phone), which is why an uninvited couple scamming their way into the White House is such a big deal.
The Salahis could care less about politics, though. They aren’t agitators, terrorists or assassins, just nit-wit Americans who listen to our culture when it tells us we should only want money, power and fame out of life.
I understand the need to investigate the Secret Service’s practices that night, and I know mistakes were made, but the real criminals here are the Salahis. The Secret Service was just trying to do their jobs and they were duped by professional con artists. These people are slick grifters with a fake charity and fake histories. She’s been caught lying about being a cheerleader for the Washington Redskins and he’s run his family’s winery into the ground.
So, I hope Congress focuses more on the Salahis in their investigation. Knowing law enforcement, the Secret Service will mete out a judicious enough punishment for their three suspended officers without the nation’s scrutiny.
That way, we give the Salahis want they want, more exposure. Hopefully, when they’re fed enough attention, they’ll go away forever.
As for me, I’m calling it a night and taking off from the exploitation party early. The best thing to do with attention-seekers is ignore them.
So, good evening and thanks for having me.