Once upon a time.
In a land far, far across the ocean.
There lived a prince.
That prince made headlines when he chose his bride.
All of America watched with shining, expectant eyes.
Their hearts shined too. They were so excited.
The prince and his lucky bride-to-be (I won’t mention them; too much ink has already been spilled) were featured on every morning television show and made the covers of all the glossy gossip rag magazines.
What will she wear? Gasp! Look at her ring! OMG! She’s so beautiful! He’s so dashing!
According to a CBS News/New York Times poll, nearly 3 in 10 Americans, or 28 percent, say they're very or somewhat wrapped up in the wedding.
A royal wedding is just the kind of positive event we need, right?
A royal joy?
More of a royal pain.
Why there is such an obsession with the English crown -- and this wedding -- is beyond me. The inbred royalty of Europe didn’t earn a damn thing in their lives.
It’s just for harmless fun you say.
Nonsense.
This fascination is a disturbing aspect of the American psyche. What we are interested in culturally -- celebrities, television shows, movies, books -- reflect our attitudes and beliefs. Those same attitudes and beliefs shape our political outlooks. They are what make our decisions.
You can’t separate these parts of yourself. We are only human.
And if you think royalty should be celebrated, that says something about you.
These people were born into wealth and privilege. This is exactly what the first Americans sought to topple. When they said “all men are created equal” we know they weren’t talking about slaves and women, they were talking about the difference between the white dudes that were born into nobility and the white dudes that were born commoners.
So what would the Founding White Dudes think about our fascination with a British royal wedding? What would the wife and child of a Revolutionary War soldier who died in battle think?
While it’s dispiriting to see the American media overtaken by the royal wedding, it’s not surprising. One percent of the population has amassed 40 percent of our wealth. We tacitly accept this and hope these American nobles make the right decisions for the 99 percent of us peasants who are sweating it day after day.
As an aside, just to let you know, their political party of choice isn’t the Green Party. Look for the elephant. If you don’t make more than a half million dollars a year, which still doesn’t bring you close to that 1 percent, you should run from the elephant. It will stomp you.
These well-connected elite run our country and I’m not sure they are an example of what Thomas Jefferson referred to as the “natural aristocracy,” the concept of a person rising to power based on talent and virtue, as opposed to birth or divine right, which was how monarchies justified their power.
Most of the fellas on Wall Street certainly aren’t rags to riches stories, (take a look at their backgrounds and I’m sure there are rich uncles, summers in the Hamptons and Ivy league degrees), yet they make the decisions that affect all of us as if they have the divine rights of kings. Look at the recent financial meltdown. Was that the fault of the middle class?
Why do we allow all this to happen?
Because somehow, these people have duped us into thinking they are naturally better than the masses. We think rich people are cool because they have all the nifty stuff we want. We respect them for that, even if the wealth is inherited, that because old grand-pappy Abner invested well in oil and railroads, the current generation deserves it, too.
Two words.
Paris Hilton.
I’m glad Prince Tom, Dick or Harry -- whatever his name is -- didn’t pick that strumpet to be his bride. That wouldn’t just be bad for England, but also America.
Even so, I won’t be watching the royal nuptials.
I happen to think that their royal money, estates, polo ponies and jewels should be taken away from them and distributed to the impoverished of Great Britain.
Does this make me a communist or a socialist?
I don’t think so.
I think it makes me something of a conservative, traditional American white dude.
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Good work, son.
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